Little Words And Happiness
Marriage is a curse, a cage, and a prison especially if one was a Christian. There is an emptiness that encompasses marriage and I hate it, with every passion. At a point, I cursed myself for making the stupid choice of picking Ademilade as my wife. I should have known she would end up obese. When she began to grow in size, I informed her that she was beginning to take spaces twice her previous size, but she gave me this same response all the time.
‘ I don’t see what’s wrong with me. Look at me. I’m still as beautiful as I was when you married me’.
‘ Indeed’, I mumbled as I laced my boot.
‘ What did you say?’
‘ What did you hear me say?’
‘ Now I’m confused. Did you marry me because I was curvy? I thought you married me… As in all of me. My characters, my brain, my beauty… ‘
Despite my promise to never tread the same lane of argument with her as regarding how massive she was becoming, I had to answer this.
‘ I married all that…’
She scrambled up on the bed and tried to sit up. But instead of sitting up, she rolled on the bed. I shook my head and straightened my Jersey.
‘I’m leaving to jog’.
‘I’m still talking’.
‘I’m running late. I have to stay fit’.
I turned to her and flashed a bright smile. I spun and ran out into the darkness of dawn.
‘My wife is fat, Lord, and I don’t like it’, I mumbled under my breath as I kept running. Even if she had the propensity of being fat before marriage, there was never any indication that she would be as massive as that. Till I left home for work, I could hear the buzzing of her complaint.
Dejected, angry, and hoping to be buried in the works of my office, I drove there to the happy cheer of the gateman, whom for no reason always seemed cheerful, reeking of Alcohol, but still remained sober. I entered the office to meet something that was lost in my house- a beautiful serenity. The sweetness of the environment made me flash a hearty smile at my secretary, Vivian, a very beautiful lady, as she hurried to my side to collect my bag. Normally, I would have rejected her offer, but watching such lady walk before me was my desire, hunger at that moment. Funnily, Vivian wasn’t always appealing, cheerful, and willing to help. In fact, when she started work at my company, she was always repulsive and easily vexed, but for some absurd reasons, she had suddenly thrown out every ideal my wife made me believe and enjoy, which I also supported. Vivian’s look started with very light make-ups, then proceeded to the heavier ones. Those days, I wasn’t even always desirous of anything; instead, I was working with a bitter heart and a creased face. So, I didn’t notice her until the day she compelled me to smile after I’ve had a civil war with my Ademilade at home. That day, I smiled sheepishly at her curvy body as she walked out of my office. The way her body was shaped like an hour glasses sent a spark of desire into my head. But I overlooked it as if it was just those normal sparks men got and controlled. As she left with my bag, I was very sure that those sparks had singed my brain and weakened my control, but who would care?
‘ Vivian…’ I called as she walked away. She swirled, making her hair raise in such circle that always aggravated my desire. I was lost for word.
I gulped and gawked at her. The problem wasn’t that I forgot what I wanted to say; the problem was that I never planned to say anything. Sensing I was being awkward, I hurriedly brought out my phone. ‘ Don’t worry’.
‘Okay Oga’, she said and walked off in her red heels. By this time, I had placed the mental images of her and Ademilade together, and I was sure there was something wrong with the picture. And there was no gainsaying about what was wrong- it was my wife’s ridiculous new size.
When Vivian had left my bag on my table, I hit my forehead repeatedly. Even if I wasn’t a Christian. I was a loyal, good, and disciplined man. I should have control over my emotions. In fact, I would have to take charge of my hunger for curvy women before it escalated into something derogatory. While I was caging my emotions, Vivian entered the office. I had to blink away the erotic way she moved towards me and I don’t know if it was my emotion, but I felt she was staring at me in a way that stoked my emotion. Yet, I remained in control. Funnily, even if she continued revealing her nakedness like she had just done, I would never sleep with her.
I gritted as I noticed that I had just tested the water with my toe. How will I call her by a nickname? That was bad for the purity of the soul. I stayed in my seat, hoping she would leave.
‘I noticed you looked sad as you entered the office. Or would you need an early morning massage?’
I would have loved to have an early morning massage, to have it calm me before the day’s job began, but I wasn’t good with massage. If you had watched the intern (where Robert De Niro acted Ben), you would know what massage does to me. However, unlike him, I don’t have friends to give me Magazine to cover my bulge. More so, I stared at her as my angry face began to crack into a smile. The Chinese wall between us had broken down. Our border had become so porous, and it was high I built a little fence, even it would be a paper fence for a starter.
‘No, Vivian. It’s just that my Ademilade’s car had fault before I left home, and I had been trying to call the mechanic to no avail’.
Her face became flush as she swallowed. ‘ Is there anything I can do to help?’
‘ Oh no. Why would I disturb you when you must have a lot on your plate, already? Let’s go on all cylinders on our works today. I would be fine. Thanks, by the way’.
She nodded and turned to leave.
‘ And Vivian’, I called after her, making her stop in her track.’ Thanks for the offer for the massage. Maybe I would use it one of these days’.
‘ Okay’, she said with a sad, phony smile. Just then, my phone rang, showing my wife’s number. I was very sure she was calling to vent about how disdainful and terrible I was. But Vivian was just at the door, I needed my happiness to be intact. How would it be that I lost happiness because I was shuffling between two women, especially as a Christian?
‘My beautiful sexy Ademilade… How far?’
Vivian’s free hand stiffened as she opened the door, and my wife was silent.
‘ Hello… Hello…’
‘I have remembered what I wanted to ask’, she said.
Throughout that day, Vivian barely came to my office and reverted to our regular way of corresponding, calls, and emails.
That was how I saved happiness. Or so I thought until I got home and met something strange in my house. Ademilade was asleep on the bed and was snoring. That felt sexy to my ear. The new feeling came to me because she was putting on sporting clothes and boots, sweating and panting from what seemed like exhaustion. Also, laying in front of her were cartons of new workout equipment. I kissed her on the forehead, tiptoed to the sitting room downstairs, and shouted, ‘ I’m back, where is my baby?’
I could hear ruffling in the room. ‘I’m upstairs’.
I slowly ascended the stairs. By the time I got upstairs, she came out to hug me, wearing a different dress and said, ‘thank you for today’.
When I got to the room, it was clean. In a bid to hide the equipment from me, she refused to allow me to do anything, and I complied. I kept the knowledge to myself until the morning of the next day when my Ademilade woke me to get ready for exercise. She was kitted up. Then, it occurred to me that she was like Vivian before I married her. It also occurred to me that the true source of happiness was our appreciation and acceptance of what we’ve become. So, today as we celebrate our 20th Wedding Anniversary, I would like to tell you, our distinguished guests, that the sexy, well-trimmed woman over there used to be fat, very fat and she is my happiness.